Nowadays, we do not need heroes anymore. This is because we should depend on ourselves and not rely on others. We could also believe in the wrong hero and learnt the wrong values. Last but not least, our choices of heroes could be easily influenced.
First of all, I think we do not need heroes as we should be independent and not rely on others to help us. This means that we tend to rely on the heroes to get us out from helpless situations and not using our own ability. For example, when I was Secondary 1 and I asked my 7 years old cousin why was he not doing his homework, he replied that Spider-man would come and help him complete the homework. The response by him suggests that people will tend to misinterpret that heroes will come to their rescue as they are great and powerful. This will develop the sense of irresponsibility in us and whenever we faced challenges or difficulty, we will have the mindset that heroes will come and help me, and thus, becoming more and more lazy. Therefore, we do not need heroes anymore as we should learn to be resilient and depend on ourselves.
Secondly, we do not need heroes and there will be this risk that we picked the wrong heroes as our role model and we learnt the wrong values. For example, in the Muslim world, Osama bin Laden and his like still have a widespread heroic appeal. As we all knows, Osama is a terrorist and possessed the wrong values. Therefore in this case, the Muslims who believed in Osama and his actions will actually be believing in the wrong hero and get the bad influence. Thus, we do not need heroes as we could have the risk of learning the wrong values and no one is there to correct us.
Last but not least, our choices of heroes could be easily influenced. For example, the administrators of the Barron Prize for Young Heroes polled American teenagers and found only half could name a personal hero. Most of them named Superman and Spiderman. Therefore, it is clear that our media make it all too easy for us to confuse celebrity with excellence. More than half the students who gave an answer named an athlete, a movie star, or a musician. One in ten named winners on American Idol as heroes. From this example, we can see that nowadays, media and technology could lead us to be influenced in our choice of heroes. Students that chose Spider-man were most-probably amazed at his superb fighting skills and matrix in the movie, even though he was just a fictional character. Therefore, they had learned from the wrong hero. As such, we do not need heroes as our choices of heroes could be easily influenced.
In conclusion, I think that we do not need heroes as we should depend on ourselves and be capable of handling difficult situations. We could also be easily influenced and learned from the wrong heroes, thus it best not to have a hero but to depend on our very own capability and principles.
I find that your Expository Writing is quite good as all the thesis the three criteria have all been stated and the PEEL format have also been used quite well.I also find that in the Expository Writing, some of the examples were quite interesting and the evidence was also relevant to the criteria. So overall, this Expository Writing is quite good.
ReplyDeleteI think that your essay is good, as the three criterions for the thesis have been fulfuilled, and ou adhered to the PEEL format, and the examples are well-written and there is a link between your points and your elaboration.
ReplyDeleteI have to admit, Sheng Xiang, you did an excellent job in writing this expository writing. Your points are established clearly, supported with relevant and adequate elaboration and evidence. I really like your evidence and elaboration as it gives specific examples relating to your point. Your linkage is also fine but maybe your concluding paragraph could be still improved. Maybe you would want to talk more about your 3 points instead of rephrasing your first paragraph. Include some of the key points from your evidence and elaboration would be better.
ReplyDeleteOverall, it is a really good piece of work, wish you all the best for your test!
This is a very good piece of expository writing. Points have been listed out clearly through the ABC/SEE format, and thus makes the reading of the whole essay very easy on the eyes. The research that you have done was not really required as you will not be able to do it in a test, but I sense that you have utmost commitment in your work and will do your best in it. Your research was well done, and though I won't call it unnecessary, I will say it is not required. But it is good that you have done research, because it makes it even clearer what you are trying to say since it brings across the point faster than using our own words. A very good piece of expository essay that I am sure to learn from. Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteThis is a very good piece of work, as you had followed the ABC and PEEL format. There were also 3 points for this writing, and everything is nice and complete. Well done!
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